midnightcabaretfandomcom-20200213-history
Ice Breakers
was a Mash-Up Piece written by Zach Zamchick and Caroline Pless for Oh, The Things You Can Do With A Prehensile Tail. Isaiah got to play the joker. Again. Synopsis When a mix-bag of villains settle in for a sleepover, party-games turn nasty. Cast The Joker - Isaiah Pittman Sweeney Todd - Andrew Bustria Dracula - Moshe Maizels John Wilkes Booth - Tony Assande Hannibal - Michael Mietlicki Script Joker: Hey- Hey Sweeney. Sweeney teeny-peeny, wanna know how I got these scars? Sweeney: No. Joker:My father was... Jewish. And a fiend. And one night, after getting off at the deli, he goes off more Jewish than usual. Mommy gets the holy water to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Chachki. So, me watching, he guts her with his horns, laughing while he does it. Turns to me and he says "Why so serious?" Comes at me with his horns, “Why so serious, bubala? Let’s put a smile on that face!" He sticks his horn in my mouth. Mmmmmm. (licks lips) Sweeney: Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped in for a shave? Joker: (rubbing Sweeney’s face) I have been feeling a bit abrasive… Dracula: Anyone for spin the bottle? Mr. Lecter, Mr. Wilkes Booth? JWB: No! We have to get straight to the point and play ten fingers! Nothing can kill a piece like too much exposition. Hannibal: Or bad subject matter. (They arrange themselves in a semi-circle) Joker: Me first! Me first! Never have I ever sucked face. Hehehehe (licks lips) hehehe. (Dracula and Hannibal put down fingers, angry. Dracula retorts.) Dracula: Never have I ever killed Batman. (Everyone except Dracula and the Joker put down a finger) Joker: (Aghast) What? You mean… all of you have- and I- (Joker frantically downs a bottle of pills and chases it with Tony’s Fanta. If Tony is in this piece, he slaps Joker across the face and takes back his drink, “bitch” quoth he.) Sweeney Todd: (scoffing) Never have I ever made a pencil disappear. (The dying Joker and JWB put down fingers.) Dracula: John? But I thought you shot the president! JWB: Common misconception, he actually spontaneously developed bullet wounds at a party where I was hired as a magician. Dracula: But I thought you were an actor? JWB: Every actor needs a day job. (The Joker has slumped in his chair and begins to foam at the mouth. Sweeney comes up behind him and lathers his face with shaving cream, smiling creepily. He takes out his pub-knife straight razor and prepares to slice.) Hannibal: Never have I ever been in a musical! Sweeney: (In song) Noooooooo- Bad Horse: (Harmonizing from audience) Neiiigh! Sweeney: (raising his blade) Save it for your sequel, Bad Horse! (Hannibal rises to his feet, menacingly approaching Sweeney. The joker falls to the floor dead.) JWB: Never have I ever been the title role in my own story. (Everyone still alive takes a beat, and breaks out into evil laughter) Hannibal: As my good friend Jigsaw might say, Game Over! Fin. Category:Pieces